Effects of Having No Friends as a Teenager, and How to Help

It's Saturday afternoon. Your son's door has been shut since breakfast. Nobody has texted, nobody has called, and when you ask about the weekend, he shrugs: "Nobody does anything."

Watching your teenager with no friends hurts. You worry about what it's doing to them now, and who they'll turn to later. In the video above, Julius explains why lonely teens grab the first group that accepts them, and what you can do instead.

What are the effects of having no friends as a teenager?

The main effects of having no friends as a teenager are a higher risk of depression and anxiety, and a stronger pull toward any group that accepts them. A teen who feels alone for a long time needs more than a pep talk.

The US Surgeon General's 2023 advisory on social connection cites a review of 63 studies. It found that loneliness and isolation in young people "increase the risk of depression and anxiety." That risk "remained high even up to nine years later."

• Mood: more risk of feeling low, worried or flat.
• Confidence: they start to believe something is wrong with them.
• Friend choices: any group that says yes can feel like rescue.

The advisory says our need for belonging is so strong "we may seek it out even in ways that may be unhealthy." Julius sees the same thing in teens. A friend who offers "acceptance without conditions" can feel like a rescue.

Why friendships feel like life or death at this age is part of Lesson 2.3, "She's Not Dramatic, She's Drowning."

And you're not imagining the trend. For young people aged 15 to 24, the Surgeon General's advisory says time with friends in person fell by nearly 70%. That's roughly 150 minutes a day in 2003, down to 40 in 2020.

"That unconditional acceptance feels like oxygen. Even if it's toxic."

Are there positive effects of having no friends as a teenager?

Yes, there can be, if your teen is alone by choice and not lonely. The advisory defines solitude as "a state of aloneness by choice that does not involve feeling lonely."

Some teens recharge alone, build a skill or just prefer one close friend to a crowd.

The advisory also says short spells of loneliness can even help, "because the distressing feeling motivates us to reconnect." Which one are you seeing?

Alone by choice	Lonely
Seems content, busy with a hobby	Seems sad, flat or ashamed
Has one or two people they talk to	Says "nobody likes me"

How do I help my teenager who has no friends?

You help a teenager with no friends by making connection easy, not by pushing. These four steps come from the video's long game. None of them needs your teen to admit there's a problem.

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Step 1 of 4

Step 1: Make your home the spot

Julius puts it simply: "Make your home the spot." That's a house other kids want to be in, "Where there's food, freedom, and zero interrogation."

• Keep snacks in the house and a space they can call theirs.
• Skip the questions after they leave.

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Step 2 of 4

Step 2: Invite the solid kids over

The video's advice is to "Invite the solid kids over." Create chances for your teen to spend time with people who lift them up. As Julius says, good friends "crowd them out naturally." Start with one kid, not a party.

• Offer rides to a club, team, job or youth group.
• Pick activities with a shared task, so nobody has to make small talk.

Doing hard things side by side is the heart of Lesson 4.4, "IronMum and IronDad."

So train or build something together yourself, too.

"We eventually said, we are here working at home, you could ask them all round to the summer house instead… A great bunch of kids hung out, laughing and having fun, in the safety of our home… All the kids came and said thank you as they left."

Results vary.

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Step 3 of 4

Step 3: Stay close, and ask without judgment

When they tell you about a bad day, don't fix it and don't lecture. The video says to keep "Asking questions without judgment" and stay curious.

If a friendship falls apart, be the one who doesn't say "I told you so."

If your teen has stopped trusting you with this stuff, start with Lesson 3.1, "Rebuilding Trust—Without Needing Their Approval."

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Step 4 of 4

Step 4: Watch who fills the gap

A lonely teen can be quick to say yes to the wrong crowd. If a new group shows up and your teen changes, don't attack the friend. Julius suggests you observe out loud, neutrally, then let it sit.

There's a line, though. If a friend involves them in illegal activity, escalating substance use or real harm, "You intervene." More in our guide to teens and bad-influence friends.

If the screen has become their only friend, see Lesson 4.1, "They're Not Addicted To Their Phone, They're Addicted To Escape."

If you're worried about self-harm, an eating disorder, drugs or alcohol, or someone hurting them, see a doctor or counselor first.

Want the full plan for your teen?

What They're Not Saying: Teens is our online course for parents of teens aged 12 to 19. It shows you what's going on under the silence, and what to say instead.

• 19 core video lessons, about 2 to 5 minutes each
• Companion texts, real-world scripts and exercises
• Lifetime access, and one purchase covers your household
• $47 USD, one-time payment

It isn't a crisis service. See our guides to a teen left out by friends, teen social anxiety and connecting with your teenager, or start with our teen parenting guide.

Get What They're Not Saying: Teens