Entitled Teenager? How It Gets Taught, and How to Hand Responsibility Back
Entitlement is usually taught by small, loving rescues: reminders, redone chores and things bought to keep the peace. Hand jobs back, stop reminding, praise effort over talent, and What They're Not Saying: Teens has the full plan.
Key takeaways
- Entitlement is usually taught by love: reminders and rescues.
- Give your time, not your last fifty dollars.
- Done badly means done again.
Show 3 more
- Stop reminding. Let the result do the talking.
- Expect it to get worse before it gets better.
- Praise effort, not talent or being "gifted".
You worked a week you didn't enjoy and spent what was left on the shoes they wanted.
They said "thanks" without looking up.
That night the dishes sat in the sink while they scrolled, and you did them yourself, again.
How entitlement gets taught
Most entitled teenagers were raised by loving, exhausted parents who did one too many things for them. What was taught can be taught differently.
It happens in small moves:
- the fourth reminder
- the chore you redo because it's quicker
- the thing you buy because you couldn't have it as a kid
In the video above, Julius adds the gifted kid: a border collie with nothing to do tears your house apart. He coasted through three years of engineering, hit fourth year with no work ethic, and dropped out.
Here are six short videos on handing responsibility back.
Step 1 of 6
Step 1: Give your time, not your money
Sharny's Short. The kids she's watched grow up motivated had to earn the shoes themselves. Watch the Short.
"Don't give them your money, give them your time."
He's Not Lazy, He's Lost starts the same way: strip back the comforts they haven't earned.
Step 2 of 6
Step 2: Don't accept the bad job
They've worked out that if they wait, you'll do it, and if they do it badly, you won't ask again. Stop covering. Watch the Short.
- Dishes not done means no clean plate tomorrow.
- Done badly means done again.
Weaponised Incompetence names the trick: "I'm just not good at that" is not a personality.
Step 3 of 6
Step 3: Stop the reminders
Every reminder makes you responsible for their responsibility. If the bin misses collection, it sits there until they deal with it. Watch the Short.
- Agree the jobs once, clearly.
- Then let the result do the talking.
"Every video I have listened to so far is relevant to my current relationship with my 17 soon to be 18 year-old son... I can see where I need to make changes."
Weaponised Incompetence is where that script comes from.
Step 4 of 6
Step 4: Expect it to get worse first
The teenager who never feels the cost of an undone job becomes the flatmate nobody wants. Julius is honest that it gets worse before it gets better. Watch the Short.
After The Storm is for the blow-up that follows.
Step 5 of 6
Step 5: Step back so they step up
Independence doesn't switch on at 18. It's built in thousands of small moments where you step back. Watch the Short.
- Let them struggle with the homework.
- Let them sort out their own friendship fights.
Independence Is The Goal is built on one idea: make yourself unnecessary.
Step 6 of 6
Step 6: Praise effort, not the gift
"You're gifted" can stop a child trying, because effort becomes risky. Drop the verdicts and praise real, specific effort. Watch the Short.
- Find challenges where talent alone isn't enough.
- Teach them to lose well.
- Get them training: IronMum and IronDad is about the gym, together.
Attention Seeking helps a teenager find worth that doesn't need applause.
If this is your house right now
You don't need a bigger speech. You need a plan you'll stick to. What They're Not Saying — Teens is everything that helped us with our own six kids.
- 19 core video lessons
- Companion texts, scripts and exercises
- Lifetime access
- A bonus introduction to IronMum and IronDad
- $47, one time (shown against $497 retail)
It's for a parent ready to stop rescuing. It isn't for a crisis: if substances or self-harm are involved, get professional help first.
Watch Weaponised Incompetence tonight. Tomorrow, leave the dishes where they are.
What They’re Not Saying · Teens
You don’t have to work out what they’re not saying alone
Sharny & Julius’s video course for parents of teens. One payment, lifetime access.
- 19 core video lessons + lifetime updates
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- Real-world scripts for difficult conversations
- Practical exercises you can implement immediately
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The thank-you comes later
Nobody thanks you for leaving the dishes in the sink.
But years from now they'll cook a meal, pay a bill or fix something on their own, and not think twice.
That's the thank-you. It just arrives late.
More on responsibility
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Questions parents ask
What are the signs of an entitled teenager?
Expecting things done or bought for them, help only after repeated reminders, and jobs done badly so nobody asks again.
How do I deal with an entitled teenager?
Stop doing what they can do, give clear jobs, stop reminding, and let the natural result land.
How do I get my teenager to do chores without nagging?
Agree the jobs once, then stop reminding. Reminders make you responsible for their responsibility.
Is it bad to tell my child they're gifted?
It can backfire: effort starts to feel risky. Praise specific effort instead.
How do I raise an independent teenager?
Step back in small moments: homework, friendship fights, their own mistakes. Ask "How would you handle that next time?"