Teenager Stays Up Late and Won't Get Up in the Morning? Julius's Reset
For a teen who stays up late and then won't get up for school, Julius's approach is a short morning reset: hold the wake-up time, get them moving, don't rescue the tired day, and give it about three days. Naps and weekend sleep-ins are fine in general, and ongoing sleep problems are a question for your GP.
Key takeaways
- This is for the teen who stays up late, then won't get up for school. Naps and sleep-ins are fine in general.
- You can't force someone to sleep, so start with the alarm instead of the night.
- During the reset, hold the same wake-up time every day.
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- Get them moving first thing: a run, a workout, a walk.
- Don't rescue the tired day. Julius gives it about three days.
- Ongoing sleep problems are a question for your GP.
It's 7.30 on a school morning. You've called them three times, and the lump under the doona hasn't moved.
At 1am there was still a glow under that door.
If that's your house, you're not the only one. This page is for that teenager: the one who stays up late, then can't or won't get up for school.
First: naps and sleep-ins are fine
In general, an after-school nap or a Saturday sleep-in is fine. For the bigger picture, read how teen sleep works and after-school naps.
What follows is my approach for one problem: late nights that wreck the mornings. It's a dad's approach, not medical advice, and ongoing sleep problems are a question for your GP.
"You can't force someone to sleep."
So for this cycle, I stop fighting at 11pm and start with the alarm. Here are the four steps from the video above.
Step 1 of 4
Step 1: Hold the wake-up time
For the few days of the reset, they get up at the same time every day. In my example, that's 7am, even after a 3am night.
- No "just this once". The alarm goes off, they get up, and there's nothing to debate.
- Your time, not mine. 7am is my example. Pick what suits your family.
- Mornings suit you too. At 11pm you're out of patience. At 7am you've still got some.
Discipline Without Disconnection shows you how to set a rule before it's broken, and hold it calmly when they test it.
Step 2 of 4
Step 2: Get them moving first thing
As soon as they're up, they move. My view is that a teenager who's moved in the morning is readier for bed than one who's sat in a chair all day.
- A run
- A workout
- Even a walk around the block
IronMum and IronDad is the story of my dad in the garage with a chin-up bar, and how to lead a teenager into effort by going first.
Step 3 of 4
Step 3: Let them be tired
This is the hardest part. If they stayed up late, let them feel it the next day, for the few days of the reset.
- Don't rescue them with a catch-up nap, a day off school or a note.
- Use your judgement. A teenager who's unwell needs looking after.
- If they drive, a day on almost no sleep is a day someone else drives.
"Today I witnessed the benefits of your wisdom Julius. Of holding the standard despite protests... he was furious at first, insisting that he needed the phone to stay on time but he was ready in record time and proved to himself it can be done."
He's Not Lazy, He's Lost covers cutting the hidden safety nets, and why they don't grow if you rescue every failure.
Step 4 of 4
Step 4: Give it about three days
The way I see it, the reset takes about three days of holding the mornings. The first few are brutal, a bit like getting over jet lag.
- Expect "This is cruel" and "You're torturing me".
- Don't cave, and don't feel guilty.
- Every teen is different. I can't promise a date, only that the mornings are worth holding.
If the pushback turns into a blow-up, After The Storm gives you the one question to ask once it's calm.
When it's a question for your GP
This is a routine for a healthy teen who's slid into late nights. It isn't a fix for a health problem.
See your GP if sleep problems keep going, or if your teen can't sleep however tired they are, sleeps all day and still wakes exhausted, or seems low or anxious.
If it's the phone keeping them up, start with a teenager who stays up all night on their phone.
If this is your house right now
The video gives you a morning reset. What They're Not Saying — Teens is where we teach how to hold a line with your teenager without losing them.
- 19 core video lessons
- Companion texts, scripts and exercises
- Lifetime access
- A bonus introduction to IronMum and IronDad
- $47, one time (shown against $497 retail)
It's for a house where every morning is a war. It isn't for a crisis: if your teen is unwell or in danger, see a professional first.
Start tonight. Watch the first lesson, then set the alarm.
What They’re Not Saying · Teens
You don’t have to work out what they’re not saying alone
Sharny & Julius’s video course for parents of teens. One payment, lifetime access.
- 19 core video lessons + lifetime updates
- Companion texts for deeper understanding
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What you're aiming for
One school morning soon, the alarm goes once.
And you hear their feet hit the floor.
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Questions parents ask
My teenager won't get up in the morning. What do I do?
If it comes from late nights, Julius holds a set wake-up time for a few days and gets them moving first thing. If they can't wake however much they sleep, or seem low, see your GP.
What do I do when my teenager won't get up for school?
Hold the alarm and don't debate it. When they complain: "You're right, it's hard. That's what happens when you stay up late."
Is it OK for my teenager to nap or sleep in on weekends?
In general, yes. Julius only skips the catch-up nap for the few days of a reset.
Should a 16 year old have a bedtime?
Julius puts his effort into the wake-up time, and lets bedtime follow. Whether you set one too is your call.
Why can't my teenager fall asleep?
Many things can keep a teen awake. If it keeps happening, that's a question for your GP.