Why Do Teenagers Disrespect Their Parents? (And What to Do About It)
Teenagers disrespect their parents mostly because adolescence is when they separate from you and test which beliefs are theirs. Demanding respect rarely works, so stay steady, refuse the bait and earn it through your character, with the full scripts in What They're Not Saying: Teens.
Key takeaways
- Adolescence is the great separation: they test your values to find their own.
- The influencer wins mainly because they aren't you.
- Don't demand respect. It's earned through character.
Show 3 more
- Attitude script: "If you want something from someone, you don't disrespect them… Tell me, what's going on?"
- Yelling script: "I love you too much to argue like this." Then do what you said.
- When you lose it, apologise. They'll do what you did.
You're giving good advice, the kind that took you years to earn. And your teenager rolls their eyes.
Then they quote some 19-year-old on TikTok like it's gospel.
You used to be their whole world. Now you're background noise. Nearly every parent of a teenager has stood in that kitchen.
Why teenagers push you away
When they were small, they built their identity around you. Now they have to find out which beliefs are actually theirs.
Adolescence is the dismantling. The great separation.
The only way to find out is to push. And the influencer has one thing going for them: they aren't you.
"This advice really helped me today. It allowed me to see the hurtful things my daughters told me as a compliment and not be so hurt by it."
You're allowed to be hurt by it. Here's what to do, from the video above.
Step 1 of 4
Step 1: Let them demote you
Respect with a teenager gets earned through character. Right now they're watching whether yours holds when you're not being worshipped.
- Don't fight it.
- Don't demand respect.
- Don't list your credentials to prove you're relevant.
The Eye Roll walks through four steps, up to a cost if it becomes a habit.
Step 2 of 4
Step 2: When the attitude starts
An attitude is often a flashing sign that says, "I don't feel like I'm on your team anymore." Teams can be rebuilt.
- When did you last listen without planning your rebuttal?
- Could they tell you their biggest mistake without you exploding?
- More in how to handle teenage attitude.
The opposite trap is chasing their approval, which Rebuilding Trust: Without Needing Their Approval calls going from leader to "please still like me".
Step 3 of 4
Step 3: When it turns into yelling
Demanding respect is like screaming at the rain. You can't command the weather, but you can open an umbrella.
- Then actually do it, every time. A boundary you don't keep is a bluff.
- More in how to stop fighting with your teenager.
- Violence or threats are different. Get professional help now, and see teenager gets violent during arguments.
The Truth About Their Anger has the words for when they scream that they hate living with you.
Step 4 of 4
Step 4: When you're the one who lost it
Want instant credibility with your teenager? Apologise, because one day they won't do what you said. They'll do what you did.
- Nobody apologises to teenagers. It costs you no authority.
- If they heard you yell at a sibling: "I'm sorry you heard all that. I shouldn't have yelled at him like that."
- His consequence still stands. Your apology covers your behaviour.
Owning your mistakes in front of them runs through They're Not The Only Ones Growing.
If this is your kitchen right now
The video is the why. What They're Not Saying — Teens is everything that helped us through it with our own six kids, in one place.
- 19 core video lessons
- Companion texts, scripts and exercises
- Lifetime access
- A bonus introduction to IronMum and IronDad
- $47, one time (shown against $497 retail)
It's for the parent who'd rather earn respect than demand it. It isn't for a crisis: if home has become dangerous, a professional comes first.
Start tonight. Watch the first lesson after they've gone to bed.
What They’re Not Saying · Teens
You don’t have to work out what they’re not saying alone
Sharny & Julius’s video course for parents of teens. One payment, lifetime access.
- 19 core video lessons + lifetime updates
- Companion texts for deeper understanding
- Real-world scripts for difficult conversations
- Practical exercises you can implement immediately
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You've been demoted, for now
You were the hero once. That part was always going to end.
What comes after lasts longer: a grown son or daughter who asks what you think because they want to know.
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Questions parents ask
Why do teenagers disrespect their parents?
Adolescence is the great separation, when they work out what they believe for themselves. That means testing your values, even sound ones.
Is it normal for a teenager to hate their parents?
Pushing parents away is a normal part of growing up, and it hurts. If it turns into violence or threats, get professional help.
How do I get my teenager to respect me?
Stop demanding it. Respect is earned through character: staying calm, not taking the bait, apologising when you're wrong and keeping your boundaries.
What do you say to a disrespectful teenager?
Try "Look, if you want something from someone, you don't disrespect them… Tell me, what's going on?" Then let them talk.
How do I deal with a teenager talking back?
Stay steady and don't make it about you. Name what you'll do, rather than demanding what they'll do, and follow through every time.